All posts by The Rector

Talking to the Bereaved

Ever been embarrassed about what to say or write to someone bereaved? I recently read a booklet by Paul Lack, a clergyman and someone who was himself recently bereaved. He had a few pearls of wisdom which I share with you now.

While bereavement is usually associated with the recent death of some close, Lack points out though that many things bring bereavement from the loss of a pet to redundancy and surgery. However, he initially stresses that the bereaved person is the same person after death as they were before and we should remember that. He also says that it is important to say something as saying nothing, ignoring or avoiding a bereaved person is hurtful. He recommends sending a card or a letter or make the phone call and acknowledge what has happened but never say, “ I know exactly how you feel”. Listening is the key and as they talk, what may seem inconsequential to you may be hugely significant for them. Allow them to talk about the person if they so wish and always refer to them by the name they were known by.

In the days after a bereavement, home cooked meals, or practical help can be a godsend. But if you did things together with the other couple say, be mindful of that, still invite them but be conscious of the new dynamic.

And how long do we keep all this up, asks Lack. Well, the answer is always, grief is unpredictable but he does recommend asking about how people they are for at least 5 years.

In the booklet he concludes with a list of What not to say which should be written on a fridge magnet and number one on his list is ‘Do not just talk. Listen!’ which is probably the best advice of all but then he goes on to say: Do not tell people what to feel; Do not deny their feelings; Do not judge; Do not try to fix them; Do not advise; Do not make it about you; avoid platitudes and euphemisms.

Great help in dealing with bereavement.

Reference

Lack, Paul, “What to Say to the Bereaved” Grove Booklet Pastoral 176

New Year Hope

The start of a new year can be both exciting and overwhelming. Whatever you’re feeling as we start 2024, let me offer you some Bible verses to give hope for the future.

Isaiah 40:31: But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 90:12: Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Philippians 3:13-14: Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.

1 Peter 1:3: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Zephaniah 3:17: The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Habakkuk 1:5: Look at the nations and watch — and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Peace

Peace seems to be a commodity in short supply. I wish I could say that everyone wants peace but that would not appear to be the case in our world today. Our days are like those of Jeremiah, in that people cry “Peace, peace, when there is no peace” (Jeremiah 6: 14). There is war in our world, domestic violence is at an all-time high and in the wake of the Aisling Murphy case we are looking at how women can not only feel safe but be safe.

Where can we go for peace? Peace can only be found in the prince of peace, Jesus, the son of God. Our spiritual peace is peace with God as Romans 5: 1 reminds us, “Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ“.

But in a worldly sense what must we do, as another part of Romans tells us, “Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual edification” (Romans 14: 19). As simple as it may sound, doing just that is what we need to do. God says peace comes when we live in harmony with him – when we do what he tells us to do. The Bible, God’s Word, is our manual for life. If we don’t obey the principles laid out in the Bible then we will never experience peace.

Even when things don’t make sense, we must trust God’s purpose. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3: 5-6). We often feel that lots of things in life are beyond our control and rather than get in a panic, God urges us to just trust him.

But he also calls on us to pray to help bring about peace. Our prayers precede the peace for the apostle Paul tells us in Philippians, “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4: 6-7). If we are not praying, we are likely to be worrying. And worry gets us nowhere.

So, in our world today we need to pray for peace because it is the only ‘weapon’ we all have.

Global Climate Change

In the groundbreaking film “An Inconvenient Truth” Al Gore posed the question, “What are you are going to say to your children if they ask you in 50 years from now, ‘Did you know about this and what did you do about it?’” Indeed, as I ponder the reality that the number of birds, animals and insects that were around when I was a child have all had their populations devastated at the expense of an ever growing human population, I admit that I am guilty. I didn’t know in the beginning but in the last thirty years the answer has to be yes, I did know.

To deny that there is an ecological disaster going on would seem to me to border on insanity as we see yet another heatwave across southern Europe causing drought which, in turn also, affects the food supply. The church has been slow when it comes to speaking up about ecology and global warming. So, we are now being forced back into the Bible in order to discover the truth that was always there and we are being challenged to admit that we have been very anthropocentric in our thinking.

The Genesis creation story states that creation is good, or at least it was at the time! The command to ‘fill the earth and have dominion over it’ (Gen.1: 28) is qualified by the image of humans as ‘stewards and caretakers’ of the earth (Gen.2: 15). There is no permission or justification given in the Bible to ravage the earth. It all looks rather glorious in this godly paradise but something goes wrong. It is ruptured by the arrival of sin. At its heart, ‘sin’ is a breakdown of relationship and means being in a state of separation. A state of separation between humanity and God; between human and human, and human and the earth.

However, our story doesn’t end there because of the restorative work of Jesus on the cross. Now not wishing to lay out the gospel message again, the question we should ask in the light of the Gospel, is, ‘if Christians believe that God’s action is one of creation, restoration, healing and reconciliation, then why have we ignored the implications of this in the way we live our lives?’

True, there are many positive benefits that Christianity has brought including opposition to slavery, human rights, health care, education and alleviation of poverty in many areas of the world. On the other hand, our wealth has also become a powerful lure on our loyalty and we have found ways to justify it with religious language. We have undergone a gradual social conformity from the radical lifestyle of Jesus and drifted away from the holistic communal ethic present in the early church.

Now there are those who take the view that the path we are on as a world will enhance the speedy return of Jesus but that neglects true stewardship. And fortunately, there is an increasingly loud voice which takes a different approach. This is one that reminds Christians to their calling to have a high quality relationship with the earth and with all other living creatures because it is central to our faith because we are part of that created order and God acts sacrificially to redeem it.

As we have become lured into conforming with the values of the world we have found theological justification to support our consumer lifestyles. However, the scientific reality of global climate change forces to face the reality that creation lies at the heart of Christian faith.

We must, therefore, lead by example, and reform our lifestyles and personal consumption habits and try to walk the way of Jesus based on a reconnection to that which really gives life.

God’s Love

Even those things that we thought would never be able to change. Mt. Everest is growing at the rate of five centimetres a year so it is already 2.5 metres taller than when I was a child and learned that fact from my wonderful “Boy’s Handbook” (I wish I still had that great book). But on the other hand, we know all about erosion, particularly of our coast.

God’s love is more stable and lasting even than the mountains and the coastal cliffs. It will remain forever, never to be eroded away. When God commits himself to us, that commitment will never be broken.

The love of God is revealed to the world in Jesus Christ. In the New Testament we read how great that love is. In 1 Corinthian’s 13 we read that “do not have love, we gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

In the letter to the Romans: “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8: 38-39). What marvellous news! It is something upon which to base our lives. We can live with confidence each day, knowing that God’s love remains with us forever.

Compassion

A booklet I was reading recently by a well-known theologian spent a couple of pages on each of the minor prophets from the Old Testament looking at the virtue offered by each of the prophets. In the piece about Nahum he begins by quoting from Nahum 1: 2-3

A jealous and avenging God is the Lord,
    the Lord is avenging and wrathful;
the Lord takes vengeance on his adversaries
    and rages against his enemies.
The Lord is slow to anger but great in power,
    and the Lord will by no means clear the guilty.

but a gifted scholar he translates the same passage as follows:

Yahweh is a God who is passionate and takes redress, Yahweh takes redress and he is the master of wrath. Yahweh takes redress on his adversaries and he himself holds it against the people who are hostile to him. Yahweh is long-tempered but big in energy, and he certainly does not let people off.

Clearly, it seems as though Nahum focuses on not letting people off, showing a lack of compassion and mercy. However, like all things context is everything. Judah at the time were living under Assyrian oppression and so the people’s future was bleak and the possibility of them taking up arms against the Assyrians was an unlikely option . But Nahum leads the people in their trust of Yahweh and against violence. Nahum was getting people to trust that God would right these wrongs, that God would not only be compassionate but also tough. And indeed, in time it did happen. Nahum in his wiliness gets the people to recognize that they can only take comfort in the message if they apply it to themselves.

What we need, is to similarly believe in the compassion and toughness of God in the adverse circumstances we find ourselves in, by recognising that in our own lives.

Book Review March 2024

All for Nothing by Walter Kempowski

This is Kempowski’s last novel published shortly before his death in 2007. Not known in the English language he was one of Germany’s great post-war writers and this book was a best seller in his homeland.

It tells the story of a wealthy East Prussian family, the von Globig family who seem to shut themselves off from the world as the Second World War draws to a conclusion. The husband seems to be a German officer deployed somewhere in Italy so the story rests on the remaining family and the staff who keep the family estate going. Set in early January 1945 it charts the events of the family as the Russians make significant advances towards their home and local community.

Initially, I found it hard to see where it was going as the first few chapters centre on individual characters and their background stories followed by further chapters on people who come to stay the night. The characters are all normal people, whatever normal means but then as the Russians advance thinks all spiral out of control and the focus fall mostly on the son, Peter and his chaotic journey of escape.

It never glamorises the war but seeks to highlight the suffering of the ordinary people even if the family in the limelight is aristocratic. I found it a good read but it did seem to vary in pace from very slow to frantic in other places.